He liked to think of himself as well-educated, everyone else just thought he was an idiot. The rest of his colleagues in the IT department resented his constant opinions on everything, and there were plenty of poor girls out there who had fallen foul of his so-called honesty. Did he really believe that anyone appreciated being dumped because, in his opinion, they were: ‘socially incompatible’? The real surprise was that people put up with it. Surely someone must have wanted to squash a big, creamy cupcake into his face and clean their fingers on his dinky little bowtie. Actually I think everyone who had ever met him probably wanted to see him trip over his pointy shoes, but we were still waiting.
Leaning back precariously on his at his chair at the help desk he was just in the middle of a phone call with some poor customer who was having trouble retrieving a vital document. After patronizingly checking that she had ‘plugged her computer in’, and that she understood ‘which key means enter’, he droned on explaining carefully how to open a file. At which point she hung up on him in disgust.
Rolling his eyes he smirked into his low fat chai latte with extra vegan foam. Maybe today would be the day he finally fell off his chair? No such luck! He drove me crazy! Some days I imagined putting a note on his back saying ‘KICK ME’ or sticking a whoopee cushion on his chair.
It was his afternoon off on a Wednesday so he’d be leaving at two o’clock. At least that meant we’d all get some peace soon. He put carefully adjusted the belt on his designer raincoat and smoothed it down, picked up his brief case, then got out his dark glasses – it’s March for goodness sake man!
‘Have a good evening,’ he said to Mark who sat at the next cubicle. ‘I’d better get a move on it’s my turn to pick the girls up from school.’ ‘Good for you ducky!’ I thought savagely. ‘What would possess any woman to have his children?’
‘See you at home, hon.’ He called to me as he left.
Some days I wonder what possessed me to marry him too!